hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
