He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
