you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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