Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
