forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
