she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
