he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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