we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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