Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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