I hate your face
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
