It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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