I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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