my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need to sanitize my soul.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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