Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
