It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
