You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
