we're blogging at a bar
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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