Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
