Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
