it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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