She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
