I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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