Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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