i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
