Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
