is your mom at the bar?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
