He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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