If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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