I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
