allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
