Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
