Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
