I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
