My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
