what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
