Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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