I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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