Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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