Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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