I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
