mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
