checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
