i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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