I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
