Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
