Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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