As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
