I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
