my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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