You don't have asthma, your pregnant
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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