fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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