she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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